*Jace's Erotic (and not-so Erotic) Art-ings, Outings and Inner-workings

Posts tagged please excuse my grammer

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Anonymous asked: may I ask you some advice? what do you think is the best way to stop letting what other people say bother you? either when they're trying to hurt your feelings or make you angry?

I’m not used to such serious non art related questions in my inbox.  Had to think on this a while, and I will try my best to be coherent in the reply here… but if any of this doesn’t make sense, feel free ask for a further elaboration/explanation. Here we go…

My first inclination is try to figure out why they are trying to hurt me in the first place.  (This is more so important if this offending person is someone you actually care about, but it does help in most cases.)  I look at the situation and try to determine
whether I did something wrong, or that could have been misunderstood (that maybe I wasn’t even aware of). If that doesn’t immediately pan out, then I think about other possibilities… Perhaps they are having a bad time and taking frustration out on others (they may or may not realize how hurtful
they’ve been)? They may be jealous of some good fortune or ability? They could be insecure in many aspects? So insecure that if they don’t like your face, clothes, presentation, boyfriend/girlfriend/lack of one, hobby, favorite character, etc, they will go out of their way to let you know it just so they can feel even a bit better about what they do or do not have.

When the offender is someone I do not care about, it is much easier to let the insults go. When I do love/like the people who made me angry, it is more difficult to deal with, because often times, I have to wait until all parties can cool down and get in the right mentality so that an understanding can be made.
It is the waiting period that is the most difficult of all.  During this time I try to focus on activities I like to do that bolster me, that make proud me of myself (friends that bolster you are good to have around too, but I’m a major loner, so that doesn’t really apply to me ^^; If you have a pet, spend time with them).  I may still be sad about the situation and the hurtful words may try to replay in my head, but if I can stay focused on what I
believe are positive aspects about myself, it gives me a better defense.

I know this explanation got wordy, but that is what I think is the best course of action.
1. Assess the situation
2. Determine the validity of the offender
3. Remember that you are awesome
If you have to carry a list in your pocket of all the positive aspects about yourself then do it. After/during a tough situation, take it out and read it. And don’t try to go the “there’s
nothing positive about me” route either! Dig deep, think hard, there is always something. 

Now, since I’m a huge geek, I do have another suggestion, along the same lines, that I’ve done since I was a little guy…
Think about a character you connect with that makes you feel strong and/or comforted. (And never feel bad if that character is a villain, ok!? Your admiration and feelings are valid.) When you get upset, think about the aspects you share with this character you admire.  What would they tell you to do in this situation?
What would they do themselves?  Yeah, often the advice is not practical, but if the image of that character trying to deal with the situation, or even just being in your presence and talking with you, can make you smile and put you on a positive wavelength, then it helps.
(When I’m feeling down, I often draw the characters I’m strengthened by.  I usually don’t finish the piece, but just having their presence on my screen/paper improves my mood.)

I hope the advice helps you out, Anon.
I’m still here and still doing what I enjoy doing, so I guess my suggestions can’t be too terrible.

Best of Luck.  

Filed under trying to be helpful please excuse my grammer anon ask advice take the advice even if it comes from a villain jace really does ramble